20/10 [short story]

This is my Idea, but you can steal it if you want…

THE GERM: This Idea was suggested by a writing contest in Esquire, where that magazine asked for submissions under one of three suggested titles. One of the options was “2010”, but the the year 2010 never popped into my mind.

GERMINATION: Rather, the first thing I associated with that title was the rating for a person of exceptional eyesight: 20/10. That is, a person with 20/10 vision could see at a 20-foot distance what a normal person would see just 10 feet away.

WORKING TITLE: “20/10”
FORMAT: Short story
GENRE: Sports/Mystery
PREMISE: A young ballplayer is hit on the head and discovers that the blow has given him exceptional sight.
SETTING: Contemporary, in a Mid-sized Major League city, like St. Louis or Seattle.
CHARACTERS:

• Young ballplayer, up-and-coming, hugely talented, but too immature to harness those talents
• Team manager, supportive, knowledgable about the game, but with a hidden agenda
• Doctor, focused on the ballplayer’s case, to the detriment of his practice
• Agent, high-powered, always looking for an angle, especially when it benefits himself
• Girl friend, little more than a gold-digger, but a beautiful one

FOR STARTERS:

Late in the 2009 baseball season, a 19-year-old rookie ballplayer is hit on the head with a pitch thrown at 100 miles an hour and knocked unconscious. When he eventually recuperates and returns to the game the following year, he discovers that his eyesight has improved dramatically. He no longer needs contacts, for his vision is now 20/10.

In regards to his baseball skills, he’s been handed a gift. Now he’s able to notice the baseball spinning from the pitcher’s hand and his hitting performance improves drastically. He’s like Ted Williams and Roy Hobbs rolled into one.

His vision continues to improve, and he can see things farther and farther away. He can also notice smaller details around, like a small piece of lint on someone’s new suit, or an eyelash in the eye of a girl across the room.

He also begins to read subtle clues in people’s behavior. He can notice the slightest twitch, the smallest bead of sweat. He discovers clues that his agent is cheating him, his girlfriend is cheating him and his manager is cheating him by fixing games with gamblers.

FOR FURTHER DEVELOPMENT:

• Will the player be able to focus on his game with all these distractions?
• What will he do about his cheating girlfriend, cheating agent and cheating manager?
• What will be the tone, Hardy Boys-style suspense? or will it end in murder?

NOTE: If you’d like to develop this Idea further, just leave a Comment and claim it.

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